sav3dcrew <(((><

Well, I was reading some testimonies and I figured it was time to do mine. It is late here, I should be in bed, so this will probably not be as complete as it shoud be. There is so much to tell.

I was five years old when I accepted Christ as my savior.....I was 37 before I realy gave my life over to the Lord.

I went though school, as a popular kid, always nice, sticking up for the week, having fun and for the most part a good kid. I went to church every Sunday morning and evening and on Wednesdays sometimes. I went to youth groups, church camps, DVBS....I did it all...and it was all the best memories and times of my life. Around my senior year in High School, my church hired a new pastor....There was a church split as this guy tried some really funny stuff that ended with my family changing churches. That did it for me, I was turned off from church and stopped going once I was old enough to choose.

The next few years were a bit rough but basically pretty good. My family moved away from Montana to Oregon and I had to come with, leaving all my friends behind, it was said, but I eventually got used to Oregon. On the trip over, I stopped at a cousin's for the night. He tought flying, I suddenly found what I wanted to do with my life. The next few years, I consentrated on getting my pilots licenses, I was going to be an airline pilot. I was on my way to a respectable life. I maintained my faith in Christ, but didn't walk the walk. I had girlfirends and stuff, doing all the wrong things. I stayed away from booze and drugs, as it was not a good thing to do if you wanted to be a pilot.

I worked as a commercial pilot and a flight instructor for a few years and I was dating a woman I was hoping to marry, and decided i didn't want to be gone working for long periods of time and live in the big city....this boy was a country boy and proud of it..so I switched and got a job as a Police Officer. I eventually met a woman who I would end up calling my wife. Things were very good for a few years....I had a family, good job, lived in the country...i was all set..

Then the Lord started putting his hammer down on me and calling me back, but I didn't know it until much later. My wife, who had always battled depression, was getting worse, we had a new baby, and a new mortgage. Unknown to me, my wife was slowly building an addiction to presciption medicines. The had prescribed her Aderal, which is an amphetamine..(Like Meth) and she was becoming very hard to deal with.....I found out about the meds and forced her off of them by going to the dotors with her, but by now the damgae had been done. Long story short, she grew more and more aggressive while at the same time more and more depressed. We went through four years of constant fear of losing her to suicide. She would tell the kids she was going to kill herself on this day or that...even my youngest daughter who was only three at the time and all the way till she was six. I lived in constant fear of losing her....after many many doctors and hospital stays, we were getting no where fast. I found my self depressed and my work was sufferening. I was so tired all the time from having to take care of my daughter around the clock and go to work. I could not leave her in my wife's care alone....I had to take her to my parents while I worked or had my older step son stay home from school to watch her. I got up every two hours to feed her bottles and went towork at 7 am. I was a wreck, I felt hopeless, worried, and hurt all at the same time. I loved my wife desperately, and as a christian, I did not believe in devorce, all I wanted to do was help her to be happy, and the drugs were standing in my way.

My daughter started asking questions one day about church...she had a friend at school who went and she wanted to go...To her, she didn't know what it meant, but I did....I was all for it....but I was working on Sundays....I was now a big shot detective now, I didn't have time for church myself.....so I asked my dad to start taking her.....He did....she loved it, and came home with lots of bible stories that of course, I already knew.....but they seemed to be really helping her cope with "Mommy" and her "Medical Problems". I had rotated to weekends off so I decided to go back to church too. I was so low in my life but I didnt' even know it...I was living with massive amounts of stress but I didn't know what normal was anymore. I lived a life of stress at home and went to work dealing with the scum of the earth....Child Molesters, Rapists, Murderers, Baby Killers....all cases I had worked on or was working on, I really had no consept of good anymore and if anyone has ever been a cop, you know the world you get sucked into....the one thats us verces them...everyone is evil, rotten to the core....you become secluded, isolated....alone..........When I stepped foot back into that church, it hit my llike a ton of bricks....my soul cried "Lord...why did I ever leave you"....It was such a weight off my sholders I litterally did not want to ever go back home to the life I was living....to work, my wifes depression, watching my children be scared day after day by my wifes behavior and depression....I cried, I really did not want to go.....I prayed for strength and God gave it to me...

I found my wife becoming interestted in the Lord, but I fought a battle inside myself, I didn't want her to come to church...it was my escape, my refuge....in the end, the Lord corrected my thinking and I began to share with my wife the sermons each Sunday.....she didn't want to go out in public....but she wanted the Lord....after a few months, she excepted the Lord as her savior..and began a path of forgiveness to her perents.....reading her bible...but still battling her prescriptions addiction and depression....she started to feel guilty now, for all she had done, the hurt the pain....she never could understand that I loved her no matter what....The guilt overwhelmed her....but she kept her belief in her new found Lord....I kept her alive for another few months by Leing to her and telling her I believed a person went to hell if the commit suicide....she believed me for a while. It was the only thing I could think of to keep her alive. I had sent her to the hospitals for help, they turned her away because there was no bed space.....and she had an addiction problem and they didn't help people with addictions....Finally one night, as my wife was trying to put a metal knife into the fuze box to kill herself, I called the police and had her forcefully removed to the Hospital....It did not go well, the again sent her back home because the don't "do" addiction problems...

I came how from work one day a few years earlier because I was getting a new patrol car, so I unloaded everything in my patrol car and stowed it in the garage. I had a pistol in the trunk of my car that i ws trying to find the owner to but never could. I had procrastinated on checking into the lost property and had forgot about it in my bags of stuff that accumulated over the years. Three years later, (Present Day at the time) I found it in my garage as I was cleaning out old stuff. Knowing my wife was suicidal...I locked it up in my gun safe untill I could check it into found property. I went to work that day and forgot to lock my gun safe. My son came home from school to find hear dead. She had used that gun to kill herself....

Telling my daughter, who was six at the time was the lowest hardest thing in my life, but God got me and her through it. In fact, Since that time, I retired early from Law Enforcement to Homeschool my daughter and be with her.....This whole thing has made public school a hard place for her.....she needed to heal with me together at home...with Christ.....I sold my house, because the market was about to crash and God was faithfull to see it sell when nothing else was...and I hadn't lost much money on it....

I now make a fraction of what I used to make, but we have more then we ever needed....My life is fuller now then it has ever been...I am the youth leader for my church and on the council. The Lord has me serving in so many area's that I stay pretty busy doing it....and loving every minute of it....My daughter, is now Nine..and doing very well.....we still miss mommy but we know where she is...and all is well. I started dating a Christian lady from My church...we plan on getting married sometime soon....Life is Good now.....but only because God is Good..and faithful....and just....he never gives up on us....he never leaves us...even when we leave him....He calls us home..

God Bless all....I'll correct the spelling and typo's when I'm not so tired..

Avi your awesome bro. Your wisdom in so many matterz amazes me sometimes. You are a blessing, and perhaps i need to post my testimony sometime. Perhaps. I'm prayin for ya. Peace in bro.
Stix

And i thought my testimony was tough enough. Yours is truly moving and passionate in spiritual sense. The sacrifices you made for your young ones is incredible, your a good man and God seems to have a lot in store with you.

Keep that chin up! Stay strong, and most of all, stay christ centered as it will get us through anything bro! Your in my prayers, I'm putting you down in my prayer log haha!


MatT~

speechless.....

Wow man, that was really touching.

I know I'm new to the forums but that actually hit something inside of me. I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and applaud you for moving on because I know it must have been extremely difficult. My prayers go to your children as well.

This community is awesome

Avi8tor. I don't even know what to say.

Just know that your testimony put a few of my own life challenges into perspective for me.

nice testimony, really good

wow... one thing i miss about not having my pc is ... i cant talk to you lol..

yea Dark, I miss that too....God Bless...and I'm sure we will have more chance to visit...

awesome <3 keep t up so inspirational

"Bows to avi8tor" your are great man!!

I loved your testimony Avi8tor it was moving.

P.S. I got your back!

~ George (D F X)

as RU would say, It is Christ who is Greatest in Me.....It was all Him....=====Bows to Jesus=====

Wow, thats an awsome testimony. thank God for His keeping power and His love.

Wow Avi8tor, you've lived a very climatic life, but I'm glad you know that God is always with you. I hope the rest of your life may be blessed as you continue to love the Lord.